Marriage & Relationships,  Mental Health,  Self Care

Sorry, Not Sorry.

For those who are ready to let the judgements, insecurities, the weight of whatever holds them back, finally go.
If this speaks to you -find a quiet place where you can be alone and continue while you read out loud. 

I’m sorry, not sorry…
I get that there’s a chance -a very likely possibility- that some may not understand me. They don’t know why I’ve made certain decisions in my life. They may not know why I process thoughts, handle situations, or react the way I do. They, you, may not even recognize me.
That I am a creative mess.
That I’m a mess in general.
That I am a hopeless romantic.
That I am forging new paths for those I love.
That I am someone that goes against the grain.
That my outlook on life is unique.
That I have something to prove to myself.
That my thoughts and desires are everchanging.
That I am not like you,
Whatever it is that makes me different from you, you don’t have to understand, and I don’t have to worry. Sorry, not sorry but I simply do not care anymore.
If you hold an ounce of negativity against me because we have our differences, that’s not my problem. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. I will stop convincing myself to hold back for the sake of others. I’ve chosen not to let opinions or our differences weigh me down in this life. No longer will I listen to whatever it is that keeps me from moving forward. I’m going to do what makes me happy. If you find this selfish, sorry, not sorry.
No longer will I measure my value. I have my place in this world.
We’re all incredibly unique for a reason. We are different pieces, moving different parts, making this intense life unfold right in front of us. Trusting this fact is what helped me accept people for who they are. I’ve been able to move past our differences and understanding that we all have our part to play, even if it doesn’t make sense at the moment. If you can’t give me the equal respect that is no longer my issue. I am letting it all go.
I won’t let your life circumstances or core values step in the way of my happiness. I can feel it, acknowledge it, but I can also turn around and release it immediately, I don’t have to carry it with me. I don’t have to allow your beliefs to change me unless it feels right and honest. I change my mind and my direction whenever I need to, whenever it feels right, and I’m not sorry.
If you don’t like me if you want to change me if you think I should
act
speak
react
dress
walk
believe
live
function any differently than I do right now
if you don’t like me
sorry, not sorry
it will not change me. I get to change myself.
The thing is, I’m an astonishing mother. I’m in a healthy relationship. I am a faithful friend. My family means everything to me. I know what healthy is and that’s why these toxic thoughts have to stop.
I work every single minute of every single day towards my goals. I want more for my family. I am a fighter. I am happy.
There may be some who don’t feel this way about me, but I don’t care, and that is okay. I’m choosing to let go of this worry that others can’t recognize my happiness, my work, or my purpose. I’ve let my abstract fears, my worries, my anxieties guide how I live this life for too long. Now. I’ve chosen to change all of that.
I will not let the chance that someone may not agree with my choices convince me otherwise. I will not use it as an excuse any longer.
I will not give my insecurities or my deep-seated need to please everyone power over me.
This doesn’t have to make sense to you.
Sorry, not sorry, but this is for me.
It’s time to move on. The past is in the past.
I have my faults. I cancel plans. I can’t “be on” all the time. There are days when I don’t want to be social. I’m choosing to live in a way that makes me happy. I talk about my problems, but that doesn’t make me weak. I’m raising my child(ren) in a way that’s right for us. I put love at the forefront of all that I do even if my passion may look and feel differently than yours. I am feisty and I am not sorry for that. I have strong feelings and emotions.
I am a woman.
I’m also trying to figure this all out as I go. I never claimed to be perfect.
I am human, damn it.
I’m putting myself first right now. I realize that it’s something I need to do, and I refuse to be sorry for that.
I’ve decided that it’s time that I empower myself. To say the things that I need to say that will launch me forward in a new direction. I’m going to let go of all the things that hurt me. I’ve decided that I will no longer give negativity the power it desperately wants over me.
I will push past this. I will work to no end for the goals that I have set. I will put myself and my family first and foremost. I will grow and blossom and tear down these walls. I will chase after my dreams, and I will do it honorably.
I will no longer give unhealthy thought the ability to hurt me like it demands.
I will no longer give others the right to silence me.
I hold the power as to who I am.
I get to choose.
This life is my life.
Sorry, not sorry.

 

 

You are are stronger than you could ever realize. I love the quote “anxiety and stress are a result of giving too many shits, take a dose of fuck it, forget it, and move on.” Sometimes when we care so much it actually endangers our own happiness and believe me when I say that you don’t have to carry that weight any longer. Let what is weighing you down go.

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