Mental Health,  Motherhood,  Self Care

Ring in the New Year with A New Perspective.

When people say that history is bound to repeat itself, we tend to think of critical events like mass extinctions, revolutions, and crumbling empires but rarely do we ever point the finger back at ourselves and our failed attempts to better our lives.
That can be a harsh reality to face.
With the New Year just around the corner, some of you are in the process of planning your near future with those infamous New Year Resolutions. You’re jotting down your lists, making plans, cutting up magazines and creating your vision boards (no, that’s just me?), to tackle your new goals. Exciting right? I think so!
I have one question though….How many of your 2018 resolutions are similar to the ones you made in 2017, 16, 15, 14…and so on and so forth?
“I want to go back to school.”
“I want to lose ten pounds.”
“I want to save money.”
“I want to pursue my dream career.”
“I want to be healthier.”
“I want to fix my relationships.”
“I want to spend less time on my phone.”
These are all things that you want, but as the Rolling Stones say, you can’t always get what you want. Sometimes we fail. With that repeated failure, we can come to a state where we’re convinced we’re doomed to fail, or it’s not worth continuing, but that isn’t true.
Adjust your headings and get back to it.
According to the Statistic Brain Research Institute, 44% of American’s usually make resolutions, but only 9.2% feel that they were successful in achieving those decisions throughout the year, with 27.4% failing to continue after the first week.
Don’t let that be you.
We all have that voice within us that directs us. If you’re realizing that yours, more often than not, isn’t rooting for the home team and ends up giving up seven days down the road, then let me be your voice of reason for a moment.
If there’s one thing I’ve been able to accomplish over the years, it’s making my mind a team player and reaching my goals.
Starting from a young age, I dealt with crippling anger, sadness, anxiety, and self-doubt that led me to repeat my failures and face harsh life lessons. Continually battling myself to complete the most basic of tasks, it seemed that no matter what, I always ended up right where I started. I was miserable and wishing things would change, and I gave up a lot. Soon I became comfortable with stopping. Quitting and suffering alone was more comfortable than dealing with why I failed.
I failed because I made excuses and succumbed to my negative thoughts.
I gave myself every reason as to why I couldn’t complete my goals; if it wasn’t for my inability to believe in myself, it was due to outside forces.
I didn’t feel supported.
My time was stretched too thin.
I didn’t receive the proper guidance as a child.
I would come back to it later because I have other priorities.
Certain situations occurred in my life that made me believe I was no good.
I was using circumstances as an excuse to quit instead of changing the conditions altogether. I didn’t want to look in the mirror and say, “you’re the one in charge.”  I knew I had to, but taking responsibility for a situation I hated was a hard pill to swallow.
So I started to look myself in the mirror more often and owned up to the circumstances I had created for myself, then decided that I would be the one to change them. For me, this was tackling childhood traumas, removing the blame I had placed on others, and working on self-love through mediation, acceptance, being honest, and healthy lifestyle choices.
I set concise goals that I would address throughout the year. Once I reached a small target, I placed another, and then another. Quickly I began to realize that by being honest with what I wanted and tackling a small collection of goals, it equaled up to massive changes.
It takes time, but it’s worth it. Maybe time is something people think they don’t have but if you want something enough, time shouldn’t be a factor.
I genuinely believe that you have the power to end the cruel cycle of wanting your goals to obtaining your goals, no matter what they are, with just a few simple changes.
First: be honest with yourself and with those around you.
 
There’s no one to blame but yourself for not being able to reach your goals.
Quit making excuses.
Make yourself a priority.
 
Create goals that are attainable and write them out in short but precise detail.
Create positive affirmations. Instead of writing “I want” say, “I will,” and believe it but first make sure you know what it is you want and start with the basics.
There’s a reason why you have this aching wish to make changes, don’t let yourself convince you that it’s not going to happen. You deserve to smash your 2018 goals. Everyone deserves to be happy, healthy and accomplished. Especially you.
Start being optimistic and deal with the facts if you plan on staying on track. No more theoretical what if’s.
Keep your goals in sight, literally, hang them on your mirrors or keep a list of goals on your bedside table. Join an online community about what you hope to accomplish. Find a friend who has similar goals. Work together, talk to each other. Purchase self-help books. Do research. Get moving.
You are the only one capable of achieving your goals, so stand up straight face your fears, and handle it.
Don’t let 2018 be another year of allowing your goals slip through your fingers and whatever you do, don’t give up come the first week of January.
It’s your destiny, take charge of it!
–Amber Boykin
If you would like to read more about Amber’s journey, you can find her posts here.

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