A common theme I notice amongst people in general, not just mothers, is the constant comparison between others and themselves. Comparing isn’t some horrible thing to do, it actually can be a useful tool for measuring where your strengths and weaknesses are, however in my opinion, the only thing you need to be comparing are sale prices, Yelp reviews, and before & after photos.
I also have noticed a common issue amongst women who compare frequently and that is a lack of self-esteem. I personally think that when you compare, you are already coming from a place of lack and that is the wrong perspective in my opinion. When you look at another mother and feel envious, jealous, or inferior because of outward appearances or assumptions, your perspective on life needs to change asap! When I see another mom out there that is envy-worthy, I think to myself ‘good for her’, I never feel inferior because I am me and she is she! I love myself, my life, my body, and my brain and although I have insecurities and weaknesses, they are only distractions that prevent me from being authentically grateful and happy with who I am.
Sure, maybe that woman driving the Range Rover, feeding her children all organic foods while looking like a 10 with a seemingly perfect life is enough to make anybody feel at least a touch of envy. However, what you don’t see are her struggles, her insecurities, or her problems. One thing I have noticed between high-performing mothers and stay-at-home moms is the incredible range of insecurities and struggles that everyone deals with, regardless of their outward appearance, situation, or status. Some are just better at hiding their problems than others!
When you come from a place of lack, you are essentially focusing on your weaknesses and when you focus and dwell on what you lack, you feel like shit- it isn’t rocket science! The key thing to shift your perspective is to to catch yourself when your judgement or perspective comes from a place of lack and to turn that into being grateful for your life and grateful for your strengths.
For example, I am not a suzy-homemaker type of mother and wife. Yes my home is clean, I do occasionally cook (although when my husband is home he genuinely loves to cook), and I take great care of my children but to say that my life resembles a magazine would be a flat out lie. So instead of focusing on the traits of myself, my parenting style, and how I ‘wife’, that would be in the weakness category, I solely focus on what I am good at (not what anyone else is good at, just me!).
My strengths for parenting? I am a very fun mom- I get on the floor and play with my children, I love to take them to experience things, I love watching their faces light up when I surprise them with little acts of love, and I make sure I spend adequate one on one time with them. Am I the most patient mother in the world? Absolutely not. Do I make every meal and snack resemble a Pinterest post? Nope. Do I sometimes get annoyed and need space? You bet. Instead of focusing on my weaknesses, I use them as a tool to measure the areas that I could improve upon.
At the end of the day, my kids are going to remember how much their mom loved them versus how every meal was Pinterest worthy- sure they will remember that too but I think the emphasis should be on character building, cultivating positive self-esteem, and teaching them to be good people.
One thing that I really try to reiterate to others is that they really should and need to be in love with THEIR life. Life is so precious and the odds of actually being born are mind boggling so you should take that into consideration and let it empower you. Be grateful for your health, your children’s health, your blessings, and life in general. When you start each day with a grateful heart, it sets the tone for the day and I promise if you do this for 30 days straight, your entire daily outlook is going to change for the better.
Sure, that woman across the street may be one of those women who has natural abs and perky boobs. But guess what? Perhaps you have killer natural eyebrows and a nice ass! So stop looking at others and comparing your weaknesses to their strengths. It is usually true that when you do compare, you are comparing an area of your weakness to an area of their strengths.
So my advice to prevent yourself from feeling like shit all the time is to stop focusing on your weaknesses and stop comparing yourself to other women.Focus solely on your strengths and only let your weaknesses be a tool to guide you on where you can improve.
You can only #mommaslay when you are genuinely being the best you that you can be and you can start by leaving the comparison and competition with other moms’ in 2017!